A few months ago we were told that John needs surgery on his legs. History: he was born 12 weeks premature, weighing only 2 lbs. 1 oz. From the start, he has been our miracle baby. People across the nation prayed for him. He fought and grew and beat many odds. After three years of intense therapies, we were told that he had progressed enough to be released from therapy--physical, speech and occupational. John's main struggles that he moved on with were a tight right heel cord and the potential for eye surgeries due to his exposure to oxygen for many months when he was first born. He's had 3 eye surgeries now. The third one seemed to correct his muscles to align his eyes. We've been doing annual check-ups on John's legs and feet. He has worn orthotics for a number of years and has had his shoes built up within the last year. The new foot doctors we have begun seeing are incredible and have shown a real concern for getting John's feet and legs to a place of proper bone and muscle alignment and development. Thus, the decision to have surgery was laid before us. The surgeon will put an insert in John's left foot so that his foot cannot roll inward. This will allow the bones in that foot to grow properly. The surgeon will also cut and lengthen his right calf muscle so that his right heel can hit the ground and then his right calf should be able to be used and further develop. Right now, his right calf is about half the size of his left calf.
Ever since finding out about the surgery, I have had a hard time accepting it. The idea of our child being in a wheelchair for one to two months is not one that is appealing, to say the least. We are moving ahead with surgery plans, but praying for supernatural healing at the same time. My father was healed of a 1/2" leg length difference as a young adult. I know of one other person who was healed of the same, and another person was healed right before my eyes at a recent women's conference. God is powerful and able. Sometimes He heals supernaturally, sometimes through doctors and surgeries. We have seen some change in John's legs as we have prayed, but not enough at this point to cancel the surgery. I must say that I don't completely understand the idea of incremental healing. My faith is definitely growing as I have seen these things happen. Trusting God with the overall outcome is still a challenge for me. It doesn't make sense to my human analytical brain. I am being reminded of the scripture in Isaiah 5, verses 8 & 9 that say,
8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.
9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
This is something that I know, but don't always live out. I know that the Creator of the Universe has a plan that is so much greater than mine. If I could figure Him out, wouldn't I then be His equal? Do I really want a God who is as limited as I am? Why do I foolishly think that I will understand all of His ways? This humbling reminder is reassuring as I lay my precious first-born son at his feet and say, "Not my will, but Yours be done, oh powerful God."
Even though I don't understand it, today I feel as if we were given a promise. It is International Walk to School Day. The kids who participated in the school's walk-a-thon program were put in for a drawing for a new bike. Guess whose name was chosen to receive the new bike? That's right, our John. I do sense that there is something so much more significant to him winning this bike than chance and coincidence. God has spoken a promise to me. I pray that God will reveal His promise to John also. God loves John so much and knows what is on our schedule for him to endure over the next few months. The bike is the hope, the reward, the incentive, the promise. Again, I don't fully understand it. But I pray that John will know the great love our heavenly Father has for him.
