Leaves, glorious leaves

The leaves are changing color. It is a glorious sight to behold. Truly amazing. God did not have to give us this majestic display of His power, but He does. He could’ve created trees with all the same colored leaves. They could be brown all year. They could just dry up, remaining the same color that they are, and fall off of the tree.

Instead, God created us with eyes that love beauty…that look for it, that crave it. And He generously fulfills those desires with His creation. He made trees with green leaves that turn beautiful shades of color before the coming of winter. As we await and perhaps dread the coming of the cold, what a gentle way to take our hand and prepare us for this upcoming season. He reminds us that although the winter will come, He is still with us. He is always with us. No matter what is coming, He is there to hold our hand and guide us through. If we are looking ahead to a situation or upcoming event with some fear or uncertainty, we can be reassured that we are never alone. He gives us a fabulous gift of leaves turning all shades of yellow, orange, red and purple. Thank you, God, for the changing of the leaves.

Lord, God, Your love for us is so evident as we see all of the beauty that you have created for us. You didn’t have to give us these things, but You chose to. Help us, Lord, to be reminded of You and of the gentle and kind way that you love us, as we see the glorious display of your splendor.

Pen to page

My twelve year old is taking a portrait art class. His current task is to look in the mirror and draw himself. He sketches the outline of the face. He adds lines to help him find where the eyes should be placed. He calculates where the mouth should be aligned. He carefully shades the outline of a nose, placing the nostrils where he thinks they should go. He erases some, adjusts the lines, looks in the mirror, and adjusts again. He sketches, he erases, he draws, he erases, he adjusts, and sketches some more.

In the end he anticipates that the final product will be something worthwhile, maybe even something beautiful. He cannot, however, see the end result. This process involves many drafts. If he were to count the number of times he changes his work and count each one as a new draft, there would be hundreds. Perhaps he would like to make a beautiful, perfect work of art right from the start. Perhaps he would like to avoid all of the adjustments and corrections necessary to get to the final masterpiece.

As a parent, I can see and realize that this working and re-working is teaching him so much. His skills are being honed and more greatly defined. He learns patience, he learns endurance, he learns new techniques that he could not have learned otherwise.

I hear God leading me in a certain direction. My spirit says, “Yes. Lord.” I think about which way to begin. I hesitate to take a step in a certain direction for lack of certainty if it is a step in the right direction. How will I know for sure? What if I make a mistake? I want to move when I’m ensured that the end result will in fact be a masterpiece. I don’t want to write, erase, correct, adjust. I don’t want to have dozens, maybe even hundreds of drafts. I want things to be perfect the first time through. Perhaps this has kept me from moving in the past. I could stay in this place of uncertainty, allowing my questions and doubts to hold me captive. I could have a lifetime of inactivity, waiting for the perfect circumstances, the perfect timing, the right break. Will it be good enough? Will it make a difference? How will I ever really know for sure?

How many of us want to be able to see the end result before we take a step? Don’t we want to know that our efforts will make something beautiful? We all have a longing inside of us for beauty. We were created with this desire. Today I’m choosing to step out in faith, to relinquish my control on the outcomes. After all, I want God Almighty to be the Director of my life. Do I not believe that He has a much better plan that I could ever come up with on my own? I know that He does. My head knows it. Today my actions will follow as I surrender my every day, my every action, my every effort unto His hand. It is OK to make a draft. It is a beautiful thing in itself just to make the first sketch. Time to put pen to page….

Taking care of myself

Another day, another sore throat, swollen glands and a head full of congestion. Say what? (For those of you English majors, I realize that was not a full sentence. The little green line underneath it all helps me to realize it is not a full sentence. I am a recovering perfectionist so I am choosing to let that slide :)

Two nights ago I went to bed feeling pretty rotten. Yesterday I tried to drink a lot but also made sure to have my Oil of Oregano drops. That is our go-to whenever any of us is fighting illness. Just a few drops under our tongue twice a day, washed down with some kind of liquid that can help cover the strong taste and warm sensation of the drops. While I feel much better, I still called and canceled my filling appointment today. It wasn't too difficult for me to put that one off a little while longer. As we speak, my mom is preparing to have dental work done, sans novacaine! (Prayers being said for you right now, mama!) Who I am to complain? Still, however, I do not enjoy the dentist office for any reason, so I was happy to cancel. I am currently on my way to take a detox bath and go back to bed. There's a book waiting for me and I think I will happily oblige and take care of myself today. It is lovely to have a few hours before my next commitment. This is what I am choosing to do for myself this day.

Our eldest child was at school yesterday from 7:30 AM-9:30 PM. I thought it would be a bit of a break for him if I drove him to school this morning. In the 4/10 of a mile it takes to get to school and then another 4/10 of a mile home, this is what I encountered: many cars trying to go in all different directions and coming out of every alley and street possible, a construction area which was already being worked on, some tree trimmers with landscaping trucks, kids walking, kids on bikes, kids on scooters, one child on a skateboard and a few crossing guards. Whew! Just when I'd think it was all clear, someone would pop up in my periphery, causing me to adjust my course for safety sake. It is a good thing I was awake and alert. I'm certainly glad that level of awareness only has to last a few blocks or I'd be worn out for the day.

I'm reminded of the scripture from 1 Peter 5:8-9 which says,

8 Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

It takes being alert to a whole new level. It reminds me to actively look around for ways I am being distracted or tempted. More importantly, it reminds me to pray in Jesus' name for protection and guidance. Sometimes our faith can seem like a list of dos and don'ts. It truly comes down to sticking close to Jesus. And in this, we find out how very loved we are. There is a presence sweeter than any other, which makes me want to cry out, "Better is ONE DAY in your courts, than thousands elsewhere." When my eyes are on Him, the enemy has no room to distract. When I am near to my Jesus, unimportant things fade away. I can rest. Who doesn't need a little rest? I'll take it!

(Lord, I want to see You today. Let all the unimportant things that come across my path fade from my view as I keep my eyes on You. Lord, I need you. I can't do this alone. I need Your strength and your direction. I need to know that You are with me. Amen.)

Morning Prayer

Thanks to Margaret Becker, this prayer (song) was on my lips this morning before I got out of bed:

"From where I lay I can see the sun rising through the trees,
Before I start this morning rush, I get down on my knees.
I lift my eyes and I thank you for this life you've granted me.
I pray with every day I live, Your heart will be pleased.

I pray for hands to hold you, higher than ANYTHING else,
and a heart to love you MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF.

This is all I've ever wanted.
This is all I want to be...whoah,
All I've ever wanted, is to love you...FAITHFULLY."

Yes, Lord, that is my prayer.

Raising Up Romantics

For years now on special occasions (my birthday, Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, our Anniversary), my husband has bought me cards and left them in various places throughout our house or my vehicle where I happen upon them throughout the day. It is a sweet gesture that I have learned to look more and more forward to each year. He usually gets me a funny card, a more basic card, and a serious/romantic card. Some of these cards even make it into my top dresser drawer where I have a card "collection" from throughout the years. I have yet to sit and reminisce by reading through old cards, but anticipate that one day I will have some time to do just that and will be grateful that I have them.

Each summer our family typically goes away for 2 or 3 weeks. We travel to my in-laws' house which is 45 minutes from the beach. We enjoy some nice extended family meal time and game times, and during the day we travel to the beach as often as the weather allows. This is my husband's ideal vacation. He dreams of one day living at the beach and catching many early morning sunrises there.

This summer looks different than any other summer for us. This year, Tru is on sabbatical. Twelve whole weeks of being able to choose how to spend his time and having an open schedule. It is almost too much to bear. Truly. After moving full speed ahead with full-time work and completing his Master's degree in one year's time, the transition to nothing on the calendar was a daunting one. This freedom took some adjusting to. Not only has he been to Colorado, Yosemite National Park, on the Appalachian Trail and camping, he has spent the bulk of his time traveling back and forth between home and the beach. Somewhere along the way, he went from caged animal to finding a place where he can rest and truly find restoration and sabbath. Because of his extended break from work, this summer finds me in a unique position also. On more than one occasion, I have been home alone. The kids and hubby have packed up and taken off for the beach without me. (Not to worry, I am still getting a couple of weeks in myself this summer). Wow...quiet...peace...freedom to choose what I want to do. It is a bizarre thing. It is a good thing. It is a long overdue thing. It helps me better understand on a small scale what Tru felt toward the beginning of his sabbatical.

Today was departure day for the guys. When I came home from work, I found these lovely things:



a note from the hubby





a card...or two...from the 15-year old who is direct and to the point




an unexpected note on a napkin which I didn't discover until using the other side of it (oops!)


and another note attached to the bookmark of the current novel I'm reading where the 11-year old reminds me of the loving argument we have about who loves each other "more" (the small word you probably cannot make out)

I feel blessed. I feel loved. I feel as if our boys will learn to treasure their wives and show her signs of their love and appreciation. I feel as if my husband is doing a good job of modeling romanticism for our boys.

3 Months Down!

Ah, yes...3 months down on the GAPS diet and going strong. Some days stronger than others, I might add. Some days pretty weak and overwhelming, but in the overall picture, we are doing so much better, feeling so much better and the good days are better than good days of old. So I am motivated to continue on this journey. Being in the kitchen, preparing food, doing dishes, visiting farms and researching foods has become pretty commonplace now. I still don't care for cooking and I still despise doing the dishes, but like most things, they have become more routine after doing them so much in the past 3 months.

So...with feeling better comes a longing to fully dive into who God created me to be and what He desires for me to do with my time. Time is so precious and I have filled up so much of my time lately with activity. Now comes the process of sorting through that activity and praying, thinking and discerning what activity should stay and what should go. A total revamp is my desire, but I'm thinking baby steps are more likely. I am really longing to have more time to think and pray and write and draw and create. That feels like life to me. I love how different we all are. I love how for some, those things (or some of them, anyway) don't feel like living at all, but work. Finding out what those areas are that God has put into our DNA and given us a passion for is so important. It has taken me longer in life to figure out what those things are for me. I envy those who know this from a young age and head in the direction they were created to go. For me, the road has been a little more curved with lots of detours along the way. With feeling better, more of a clarity of mind is emerging and I love that! I love that I am seeing things more clearly. I honestly believe that dairy and gluten were poisoning my digestive system and that I was in a mental fog whenever I had them. Even when I changed my diet and eliminated them, I was medicating myself with lots of sugar. This brought inflammation as well. Although I enjoyed the temporary rush or blood sugar spike that would come with eating sugar, the overall left me tired. I was just getting through life, not enjoying it so much. I was doing my best to take care of the boys and things at home, but some days it was just a struggle to have energy and to be pain free. Healing is definitely coming. After 3 months I am routinely eating yogurt. It is made from raw, grassfed cows' milk. I never could have done this before.

A quick summary of the boys' progress: JD is off of his allergy meds. that he took year-round. He also has not needed his inhaler at all the past 3 months. Even when he was on his allergy medication, I wouldn't allow him to be around certain dogs because he got so incredibly stuffy and miserable. He has since had one of these dogs sitting on his lap for hours with little or no effect on him. This is all so wonderful and I am thrilled that he is not on any medications. He also had dark staining on his teeth from bacteria and that is now gone.

JET is feeling better than ever before in life. He routinely tells me that he loves his life. He has energy. When asked how the diet has changed him, he will tell you that he used to be so tired and lazy and just sit around and watch t.v. a lot of the time. He now desires to be productive and creative. He has learned to cook many new foods and enjoys doing this. He learned to crochet and has also knitted a number of hats for himself and others. He is regularly cleaning out his room. His skin has cleared up immensely. His quality of life is just so much better. Although he does talk about foods he will eat once we are off the diet, I am hoping that he sees the benefit of "real food" and desires to make choices that allow him to feel his best.

Well, the sun is shining and I have some dancing to do...literally. Hope to catch you in the very near future.

So...10:56 PM on New Year's Eve. Gotta stay awake to pick up the 14-yr. old at 12:30 AM. What better time to blog? We did not do a Christmas card or letter this year--just too much going on and couldn't keep up. Maybe you'll pick up a couple of 2012 facts from this post.

Today was a big day. We began the GAPS Introduction Diet. I've been reading Nastasha Campbell-McBride's book. A friend told me about the diet, and within the same week God brought the very same diet across my path in 3 other ways. Crazy, because I haven't heard much about it since then unless I go looking for it. Bing-lightbulb. So, I ordered the book (Ok, Tru ordered it for me) and read it. Boy, it is like a textbook in some regards. Some of it is so basic and easy to understand and other parts felt like I was in a medical school course. As I was reading the book and understanding the concept, it just seemed like a culmination of all the reading I've done on health and digestion the past few years. Also, personal experiences were continually validated throughout this book. It made me hopeful.

Today, after the first full day on the diet, I just miss my chocolate, caffeine and sugar. I'm not quite as nice right now as usual. I'm wondering how long this will last!! I'm also already feeling panicked about where I will get my next source of chicken, beef or fish. I cooked for a day ahead, but need to shop tomorrow for the following day's stock and soup.

Today, we had sauerkraut juice, two of us had Biokult probiotic supplements, two of us had Blue Ice fermented cod liver oil, we had homemade chicken stock. Throughout the rest of the day, we had chicken soup with carrots, onion and garlic made from the homemade stock. We also had ginger tea, grated fresh from the root. Finally, we had some organic coconut oil with a bit of unprocessed honey. That, I believe, was my saving grace today. I'm not 100% sure we are supposed to have coconut oil during the introduction phase. Gotta look into it some more. Tomorrow we will add fish oil supplements also. Tomorrow we will also have beef stock that I made overnight and a soup I will make from it.