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My son and his broccoli. Testing adding images.

Yes, please!

Thank you, Jesus, for being you. Once Paul gave his life to you, he considered everything rubbish in comparison to knowing you.

Nothing else satisfies. We try so hard. We try to fix, to fill, to supply, to protect, store up, pay off, guard and lead and guide. These are all things that He longs to and is ready to do for us. We expend so much energy and He says, "Come to me." That's it. Just "Come to me."

And in the act of giving Him first priority, we find what we had been looking for all along...rest. Peace of mind. Release of burden. Surrender of thinking, striving, working a plan.

All of our own effort is so much less than what He has for us. He has himself for us. It is enough. He is greater than the greatest achievement, more lasting than the pay raise or bonus or closed deal. He endures. He fulfills deeply. The longing fades and disappears. There is TRUE REST.

Yes, Lord. I would like to sign up for that, please. Amen.

Clean Eating

Clean eating, clean eating, what does it mean?!? My health journey over the past 15 years has led to a major shift in my diet. It began with a desire to just feel better and get my energy back so that I could do the most basic of functioning and survival throughout the day. Little people were depending on me to take care of them and feed them and it was a struggle to do even that. Over the course of this journey, I have tried SO MANY natural remedies...too many to even count. If it promised some help and relief, I gave it a try. The best food change I made was to go on the GAPS Diet. Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride is a brilliant physician who is both a Neurologist and Dietician. What a cool combination! The GAPS Diet stresses that things like depression, anxiety, autism, and ADD can be reversed through changing our diet! Say what?!?! I tried this diet with my sons and myself. We stuck to it very closely for two years and each of us saw various improvements in our health. I continue to follow this diet for the most part, but have made some slight modifications over the last couple of years. Overall, however, I am eating a clean diet.

This is what it looks like for me:

-Organic, grass-fed meats
-Organic, pastured chicken
-Wild Caught Fish
-Free-range Eggs (from chickens that are not fed soy)
-Vegetables
-Fruits
-Raw Honey
-Pure Maple Syrup
-Healthy Fats like Coconut Oil, Olive Oil, Avocados and Real Butter (Yum!)
-Raw Dairy
-Nuts, seeds and raisins
-Almond Butter and Peanut Butter
-Non-pasteurized sauerkraut or other fermented foods high in probiotics

Foods that I have on occasion, but not frequently:

-Sweet potato
-Lentils (sprouted)
-Sprouted bread
-Rolled or Steel Cut oats


Foods that I avoid completely:

-Sugar
-Bread (unless sprouted)
-Rice
-Pasta
-Corn (including corn syrup and any corn product)
-Soy
-Vegetable Oil, Soybean Oil, Canola Oil, Peanut Oil, other Polyunsaturated Fatty Acids
-Gluten

Why am I here?

Today I am hanging here with my dog, Dory. Pandora is on in the background and some amazing worship songs I haven't heard in a while are taking me to a sweet place of worship. I mean, who doesn't have to stop what they are doing and spin and dance around their living room, singing out at the top of their lungs?!?!? Ok, I know not everyone does that. But that is definitely how I'm wired. I'm in the process of owning that piece of me instead of trying to run away from it or even just downplaying it. God created me to be a worshipper. I believe it is for a reason. When His people worship and pray, things in the spiritual realm change. I feel it. I can't put it on paper or see tangible victories. I cannot put it on a timesheet and get paid for it, but it is one of the most important things I do in a day. I am born to worship. That alone is enough. Yes, I said it. That alone is enough. When someone asks me what I do, I want to proclaim that I am first and foremost a worshipper.

What were you born to do? Are you living it out? Is it different than what you see most people doing? How do you deal with that? Do you run from it or run toward it? Is it something that is not deemed profitable or worthy of our time to many people? Do you advertise it or attempt to hide it? We are ALL created uniquely, one of a kind. So truly none of us is exactly like someone around us. We all have passions and desires that go against the tide of the mainstream. Are you allowing God to raise this up in you and let it flourish?

One of the beauties of how God created us is that when we take steps toward living out who He made us to be, we have the greatest contentment. Yes, I believe that our Father who loves us MORE THAN ANYONE ON THIS EARTH EVER CAN, gives us a deep sense of contentment when we are most who He created us to be. When we look internally and ask Him what we should be doing and how we should be living, we are happier than at any other time in life. It is not selfish to ask the question, "Why am I here?" "How did you make me unique?" "What passions did you place inside of me?" Our God loves to answer these questions. He puts little whispers in our ear, or a pull inside of our heart and our mind. When we are most fully alive, we find the greatest contentment. When we are most fully alive, God is glorified through us. We get to shine the light of Christ here in this world. How great and lasting of a call is that? Nothing I do on my own can ever compare.

Senior Year Stuff

We are almost 5 weeks down in the school year. That means my senior is over 1/10th of the way finished with his final year of high school. How is that even possible? This phase of life is…well…interesting. I feel as if I’ve taken on a part-time job and so has he. We’ve done 4 college visits up until this point. He has taken the SAT’s and is scheduled to take them a second time this fall. His high school has this wonderful future and career exploration process. It is called Project Dreams. Each year from freshman year through junior year, the students are required to do a job shadow in an area they are potentially interested in pursuing as a career. They spend at least 4 hours/day with someone in the field, observing what they do on an ordinary day. After each shadow, they evaluate their experience.

My son spent his first shadow in the kitchen at a local resort. He had the opportunity to chop foods and prepare some hors d'oeuvres under the supervision of a chef. He saw the pace of the kitchen and saw a more creative side to preparing ahead of time for an event, with less time pressure than some kitchens would have.

His second shadow was with the youth pastor at our church. That day, our youth pastor had to do some phone calls and planning for upcoming events. They also went out to lunch and discussed the requirements of the job, and the skill set that is most helpful for the position.

My son’s third and final shadow was with a 3rd grade teacher. By this time, he had narrowed down his career choices and felt pretty strongly that he wanted to teach elementary school. This experience was an enjoyable one for him. During the summer following this last job shadow (this past summer), John had the opportunity to work as a camp counselor at a local area township’s summer day camp program. He had the opportunity to counsel kindergarten students and then later 2nd grade students during his summer. Now that he is back in school, he is doing an internship each day at the elementary school, again with a 3rd grade class. He is getting the opportunity to do everything from cut and laminate, to read to students, to help with teaching lessons.

In addition to his internship, John goes to the high school for part of his day and then heads to the Vocational Technical School for their Culinary Program. This is his 3rd year in the program.

This Friday John will have the opportunity to share his experiences with a few teachers for a grade.

This, truly, is the best and most helpful assignment he has had in his school career. I'm definitely a fan!

Dwell

Today I'm taking stock of my life. I'm 45 years old. My husband is a Children's Pastor at an area church. We've been married for 23 years! We have two sons, ages 18 and 15. I blinked once, maybe twice. I'm really not sure how all of this happened. And I'm very unsure about what comes next. I'm so happy and relieved, actually, to have a God who sees around the bend when I cannot. He most certainly leads the way. I guess it's not so bad to not be a planner. It makes it slightly easier to surrender and to seek out God's plan and allow Him to take the lead. Truly, more than anything, I just want to dwell with Him. I long to be in His presence. It is my drug, my high, my thrill. After being in the Presence of the Almighty God, nothing else satisfies me. I love the peace He gives. I love how He takes all of my worries, uncertainties and fears and changes the filter on my lens. Suddenly, my cares change and I feel at rest with Him, no longer needing to look around. I stop trying to meet my needs myself. I cease striving. It is only when I worship Him and look fully at Him that this happens. It takes time. It requires quiet and a lack of interruption. Time here is better spent than time anywhere else. Time here matters and is actually time spent. I wonder how many minutes or hours of my life actually count in the grand scheme of things. Much of it has been wasted as I look elsewhere. "Store up treasures in heaven, where moth and rust cannot destroy, and where thieves cannot break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will also be." Lord, turn my heart toward heaven today.

The school year has begun!

Welcome to Fall! OK, so it is not technically fall yet. However, our school year began on August 22 this year, so in that regard, our summer has come to an end. This year I have a high school freshman and a high school SENIOR! Wow! I'm not sure how that is even possible, but I'm holding on, because ready or not, here we go.

Here are a couple of things I have been learning and realizing lately:

1. There are quite a few hats I've been trying to wear lately. In the span of this current week, I have or will be wearing the hats of pet sitter, diet counselor, buyer, face painter and balloon twister. That does not include my volunteer roles. The more I am adding to my life and schedule, the more worn I am feeling. Everything feels as if I am giving it some energy, but not my best.

2. My oldest son is in the home stretch of high school! If he has about 12 weeks off during the summer, that means his school year is about 40 weeks long. We are almost finished with week 3. One of my goals is to chronicle his last year in my writing. I want him to be able to look back and see what life was like for him when he was a senior in high school. I want to write some of the stories that he may forget at some point. Also, I want to squeeze every bit of intentionality and purpose that we can out of this year.

3. Since having children, I have been putting myself aside and trying to survive. Someone needs fed so I feed them. Someone needs to go to an appointment or has an activity and needs to get there so I take them. There are needs in ministry at church so I step in. They may or may not be where I am most gifted (or at all gifted :) These are kind of basic and necessary tasks in life that I have been stepping into. I am so deeply and amazingly thankful for the years I have had raising my kids thus far. I'm also grateful for the opportunity to partner with Dave, my husband, in ministering to kids at church. In doing, doing, doing, somewhere along the way I began losing the awareness of what I like to do, was created to do, feel God is calling me to do and therefore want to do. I forget to act on having a choice in life. I forget to quiet myself and get before God and ask what He wants me to do. So I am currently attempting to find my voice again. One of the ways God allows me to process life is through writing. I've been downplaying the importance of writing in my life. I'm becoming more and more aware, however, that life has deeper meaning for me when I write about it. I view the purpose in it, I hear the lessons God may be wanting me to hear, I squeeze the treasure out of each day when I process it this way. I'm planning to add another hat to the list above...that of a writer. This hat I am choosing. I'm excited to see where it will lead. I hope to bring glory to God and to bring some smiles to my kids' faces, either now or in the future.

Let's Do This!

Awareness

Lately I keep hearing about awareness. It is so easy for me to run through my life just keeping up with obligations. I'm relieved at the end of the day that I got the kids everywhere they needed to be, everyone was fed and the basics for survival happened. What if I stop, however, and take a look around? What is going on around me? What is God doing around me? How much am I missing due to my hurried pace of life?

I feel as if there is something beautiful going on, if only I will take the time to pause, breathe in and listen. There is a daily practice called a "Daily Examen". At the end of the day, the invitation is to look back over your day and ask yourself a few questions. "When did I feel closest to God today?" "When did I feel the farthest from God today?" "When was I the most myself today?" "When was I the least myself today?" "What was my happiest moment?" "What was my least happy moment?" The idea is just to take a couple of the questions, sit before God and reflect on your day together. It allows you to learn a little bit about yourself, about you and God, and about how God might be moving and speaking in your life.

It really is a beautiful thing to take time to look over your day. In the rush of everyday life, it often feels like a day is not truly lived or does not have much meaning if it has not been given some thought to its purpose.

This is a practice I am trying to incorporate at least a couple of times per week. It is awakening me to God and His greater purposes for me.

Surrender

Each day I come to you, oh Lord. I have my list of what I ask from you. I know that You hear me. I have drawn this beautiful picture, don't you see? It is lovely, filled with happiness and joy. There is beauty found in my artwork, a true masterpiece. The page is full. Every need that could arise has an answer if only You will comply. Every fear has been replaced with solutions. All I need is for you to sign off on what I ask for Lord. You are the God who supplies my needs, right? You give me love, right?

What's that? You have a different picture in mind? Well, my page is full. I'm not sure that I have room for your plans. I think mine is just fine, don't you? Maybe you could bend your plans a bit so that I have no pain, no discomfort, no sadness, no longing? Here, Lord, please answer this. It is all spelled out. All you have to do is sign on the dotted line.

What's that you say? There is no room for Your plan when my page is all filled up? You want me to what? You want me to erase what I've drawn? But Lord, I've been planning my life for far too long. For as long as I can remember I've been filling up this page with how I want my life to look. I'm not sure that I know how…to…let…go….

I'm sorry. I just can't do it.

Ok, so I went away and now I'm back. I'm not getting anywhere. I can't hear you and I feel a little lost. I'm going to reach for the eraser now. Can you help me remove what I've so carefully planned and drawn? I'm not sure I can do that on my own. Thank you, Lord. It is getting easier, knowing that You are holding my hand and directing it. Yes, at long last, the page is blank. Completely blank. A feeling of panic is beginning to rise up, God. I can't see what's around the corner. I have nothing to hold onto. I cannot plan. I cannot control. It is a new and scary feeling. Hold onto you, You say? You are really the only thing not moving? You're not going anywhere? Really? Nowhere? Cause I kind of really, truly need that stability in my life. I don't find it anywhere else. I don't find it anywhere else.

OK, I'm giving you the pencil now. Oh, you want the pen, the beautiful scrolling one. You make beauty. You don't make mistakes. You don't need an eraser. You begin drawing Your Masterpiece. I'm learning to come to you with my blank page. I come to you and cry out for you to teach me how to pray. Yes, Lord, teach me how to pray. Show me what to ask for. Show me where to walk. This is new territory, a new style, becoming a habit. I'm bringing every thing to you, every possession, every person, every blessing, each provision. I'm holding them loosely, knowing now at long last, that they are a gift from You, promised only for this moment and none beyond. You, yes You, are the only One who does not move. You are with me forever.

Dates with Jesus

This Christmas season was one that has been busier than those in the past due to my kids' activities.

At about the same time that I felt like I was barely making it through, I also began feeling a gentle nudge. "Spend time with me. Set apart some time as holy, seeking My face." How could I deny that invitation? It was (is!) the Christmas season after all. At a friend's encouragement, I chose a set time as my "date with Jesus".

I'm someone who hesitates to fill up my calendar or plan things too far ahead. I like to see how I'm feeling each day and tackle what is calling to me the most loudly. It is the squeaky wheel syndrome. This time, however, I realized the eternal value in this appointment. I said "Yes", picked a weekly time and even put it on my calendar. I had it repeat the event each week with no ending date. Oh boy, it's official!

So after figuring out the time, committing to it and putting it on my calendar, I had to pick the place. This really was the easy part. Our church has some beautiful counseling rooms and a prayer room that are ideal for being quiet, and being alone. Ok, so I'm with Jesus, so technically I'm not alone, but you know what I mean.

The first time I had my date with Jesus, I wasn't sure what to expect. What would I do? Would the hour drag? What if I have nothing to say? What if I don't hear Him speaking to me? Once I closed the door and prayed about this time, this blank canvas before me, I felt almost giddy. There was such freedom in having no agenda or to-do list. I got down on my knees before the cross hanging on the wall. I felt like it was just time for me to be me, no pretense, no expectations.

I began by laying my heart before God, confessing anything that came to mind that wasn't pleasing to God, and praying to be freed of those things I don't even see but that are keeping me at a distance from Him. It felt right. It felt freeing. Instead of feeling judged, I felt His gentle love all around me, encouraging me to let go and trust Him.I've only had two of these dates so far, but I'm looking forward to many more. I've realized that if I can't make time for my Savior, the one I plan on praising through all eternity, then something is off balance in my life.

I want to want to spend time with Him. I want to open my ears and give Him a chance to speak to me. Even when I don't really want all this, I pray and ask Him to give me this desire. Getting outside of my house has been key for me. I need to go to a place where there aren't piles of laundry calling to me or meals waiting to be cooked.

He truly loves me...yes, He does. Wholly, completely, just as I am.

Fear and Peace

There is talk everywhere right now about the Ebola virus. The more we hear, the scarier it gets. I could spend many hours reading articles and watching news stories. While it is good to be informed at a basic level, there is danger in spending too much time with this information. Fear can grow like a big, dark, ominous cloud, threatening to choke us if we let it. While there is much in this world that we cannot control, and that fact has not changed in the history of mankind, we can control what we allow to enter our minds, and therefore our hearts.

Proverbs 4:23 says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."

It sounds like we have some control over what we allow to shape and influence us.

Paul, in Philippians 4:8 commands us to choose what we think on. He says, "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things…And the God of peace will be with you."

OK, so a simple prescription for peace is found in that verse. Who doesn't want more peace in their life? This passage really challenges me to stop and take stock of whether what I am spending my time on fits the criteria listed. What am I thinking about? Is it excellent or praiseworthy? If not, I would be wise to turn my attention elsewhere.

In 1 Thessalonians 5:16, it says, "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

God, our Father, loves us. He does not desire for us to walk through life stressed and panicked about circumstances we hear about. He knows what is required for us to have peace. The verse from 1 Thessalonians is really a prescription for us from a God who knows where true peace will come from. His will for us is to be close to Him. His will for us is to keep our eyes on Him. He loves us that much that He longs for us to rest in Him.

From a worldly perspective, none of this makes sense. It is so easy to think worse-case scenario. We are created with an imagination that can be a source of great pleasure when used positively. Unfortunately, we can also allow that imagination to take us down the road of "what-ifs". Fear thrives here and the enemy is thrilled that we are taking our eyes off of God. Fortunately, we have a choice. We can cry out to God and ask Him to help us. He loves to answer that prayer. He is waiting for us to cry out to Him. He will give us Himself, His presence, His peace. It is possible in the midst of the chaos and the unknown. His peace is beyond all comprehension, but trust me…it is very real and very available to you and to me.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

Independence Day

Freedom, what a fabulous word. Even in the midst of struggle, we can find freedom. Even in the midst of uncertainty, we can be free.

For me, oftentimes that thing that has held me captive has been fear. What if something happens to my husband, my parents, my children, to me? I like to think on some level that by imagining how things will play out and trying to come up with emergency plans, it gives me some sense of control over the situation. This is so untrue. Ultimately, I have no control over these things. Freedom for me comes when I remember to keep my eyes on Jesus and worship. I love a worship song I grew up with. It's called "Turn your eyes upon Jesus."

The words are simply,

Turn your eyes upon Jesus.
Look full in His wonderful face.
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace

One of the key words there is "full". It is easy to just say words and not really let them sink in. How many times have I sung lyrics without really paying attention to what they are saying? When I fully turn my mind and heart on singing praise to the Creator, the One who saved me and continues to save me from myself, then and only then do I find that freedom where I feel His peace. The more time I spend there, the deeper the sense of peace. The things of this world do turn strangely dim. The struggles and concerns I have let dominate my thoughts and actions fade.

This is my prayer every day: Lord, give me Your eyes, Your heart, Your perspective. Show me what You want me to see. Show me what You want me to do. Give me eyes to see You more clearly, and a heart that longs to be where You are, above all else.

Oh yeah, gotta love when God gives additions the day after writing!

Here is a song by Jesus Culture, called Freedom Reigns. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIaM08ANeAg

And here is a verse that talks about fear:

Psalm 56:3-4

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you
In God, whose word I praise
in God I trust and am not afraid
What can mere mortals do to me?



(Photo credit:Josiah Truitt)

Health Journey Part 1

Many of you know that I have been on a health journey for the last number of years. I thought I would begin telling my story. So today is Part 1 of that journey.

There I stood in the lobby of the chiropractor's office. The young woman at the front dest had just informed me that their office did not accept my insurance. I believe she continued to speak, but I could not hear her past the tears that were flowing down my cheeks, unbidden, and the embarrassment that was burning my face. "Wow," I thought, "I cannot believe that I'm crying, right here in front of this girl, right here in the lobby of the chiropractor's office." That was just evidence of the desperate place I was operating out of.

It had been five years since my second child was born. My health had been deteriorating ever since and I had hoped that this chiropractor, with a nutritionist on site, could help me find some relief. I'd been to many doctors, and been on and off of medications. I'd had all of the tests done. I had looked into natural remedies and tried many items from our local health food store that promised to make me feel better. Up until that point, nothing had worked. I thought this place, at long last, was my answer. I even felt like God had led me there. "God, why? Lord, what now? Please, Lord. I need Your help."

A couple of weeks later, a friend at church handed me the business card of a chiropractor her mom had found great success with. No surprise to God, they used the very same nutritional supplements that the first chiropractor offered. I became a patient and there began my first step toward greater health and freedom. If anything, I have learned that finding greater health is a journey. It involves trial and error, being willing to ask questions and learn from others' experiences, and lots and lots of prayer.

Desperation stinks, but desperation is often the catalyst to bring about change. The song, "Never Once" by Matt Redman is my favorite reminder of God's hand in this process, and in all areas of my life. It says, "Never once did we ever walk alone." Never once! Not even for a moment. How good, how sweet, how true, how comforting. I need that reminder daily. Are you going through a hard time? Are you wondering where to turn or where the answer lies? I pray that you'll be comforted by the truth that you are never alone. Look up. He wants to help you.

Until Part 2….

Breathe

Today the sun is shining and the birds are singing. I marvel at the beauty of it and of how it fills my soul. I treasure the warmth of the sun. I treasure it even moreso because I do not experience this every day. There is no promise of a beautiful tomorrow, so I will treasure today…this moment.

I breathe deeply. I stop and look around. I notice. I wonder. I open myself up to the possibility that there is more, so much gloriously more available. There is so much more going on around me than my eyes tend to see. I take a moment to listen for a whisper that is not my own.

I make my heart available…to hear, to believe, to receive. I breathe in. I breathe out. I wait for the whisper. I expect more. There is so much more.

M

I watched my friend get into her vehicle this morning. Many feelings went through my head and heart. The rain is falling. My friend's parents are with her. I am out walking my dog. These parents are getting into the car to go to another chemotherapy treatment for their daughter's brain cancer. I am walking my dog. The rain is falling. Day in, day out, I walk my dog. Some days the rain falls. And my friends' parents get in a car with her to go to a chemotherapy treatment. This is a normal day. This is not a normal day. There are mundane tasks going on…repetitive ones. There are immensely difficult tasks being put into place. If I were the parent, I'd be tempted to put my child on a plane to some tropical island and pretend nothing was wrong. On some level, however, I'd know that we'd be missing some very important part of a plan that has been put into place by doctors to help my child fight a nasty disease. (Please, God, why? Why do I have to face this? Please take this away. Lord, I CAN'T DO THIS!! I truly cannot do this. I do not have the strength.) I walk my dog and feel as if I should not be having a "normal" day when my friends are not having a normal day. I feel helpless, until I remember that I have been and will continue to storm heaven on her behalf. There are no promises or guarantees of healing, but yet God tells us to bring the sick to him, and anoint them with oil. He tells us to have faith, to believe. He says it is not "if" he can heal. He says that He can heal. (God, I come to you as a little child because you instruct me to. I cry out for healing because you tell me to. I've seen you heal miraculously. You are the SAME GOD who healed yesterday. You've even healed my father, my son, me, others I know. You are the GREAT PHYSICIAN. You love my friend more than I can comprehend. You love her even more than her parents do! You have her, even in this. You have her.)

When my first baby was born and in intensive care for 3 months, I remember visiting him and not being able to touch him. I had to sit and look in on him from a safe distance, not stimulating him for fear he would lose weight. After all, how much weight can a 1 lb. 12 oz. baby lose and still continue to exist as a living human being? I wanted to fix him and couldn't. People all over the United States were praying for his life. Slowly, with many ups and downs along the way, he improved and healed. During his hospital stay, I remember leaving the hospital and walking outside to "real life" again. I remember looking around and being amazed that normal life was still occurring. How was that even possible? I was sure that the world had completely stopped. How could parents be laughing with children? Didn't they know my baby was inside the hospital fighting for his life? How could a parent have a baby "in their possession"? It truly was not fair. I envied those who could hold and cuddle their child, offering love and warmth to them as they grew. I was secretly angry that life was continuing for others while mine felt like it had come to a crazy standstill. I wondered when the waiting would end.

As I see others struggling, I wonder how often they have moments of looking out the window at the lady walking her dog or at the parents with children in their stroller and wonder how normal life can still go on. I wonder how often they just long to be the one doing the mundane, walking their dog, day in and day out. There is much here in this life that I do not understand. There is much that breaks my heart and even sickens me. When I stay here and keep my eyes on these things--the hardships, the uncertainties, the seemingly impossible situations, the downright horrendous scenarios in the world--I begin to doubt. I begin to see with glasses that have been tainted by the film of dirt the world can leave behind. When I'm just about to give up, and when my vision is all but blinded, the still small voice inside reminds me that this world is not all there is. This world is not all there is. This world is NOT all there is! This is a fallen world. The scriptures make it as plain as can be. Jesus says, "In this world, YOU WILL HAVE TROUBLE." Wow! But that is not all. He goes on to say, "But take heart! I have overcome the world." YES! It is not easy, but I lay down my ideas of what healing looks like. I lay down my pleas of desperation and attempts to make outcomes all that I long for them to be, and I lean on the strong and unshakeable shoulders of a God who is so much bigger than I can comprehend. My inability to see the outcomes does not change his sovereignty. If I could see the end and control it, why would I need God? I will not bring him to my level and doubt his existence because I do not understand all of His ways. One day, heaven will be restored on earth and all pain and sorrow will pass away. Until that day, I lean my head on His enormous shoulder, and I ask Him how I should pray. I still cry out for healing. I still pray for the miraculous. And I lean on His shoulder, take His hand and look into His eyes. My heart begins to change. My fear turns to peace and rest. My perspective turns heavenward. Peace is restored. Peace is available. Yes, Lord…all the time, You are good. There is still much I do not understand. There are still so many things beyond my control. I, however, am changed in the midst of it all. My prayer becomes, "Lord, please take my hand and help me hobble through, tiny step, by tiny step. Better yet, let me stand on your feet like a small child dancing with her father throughout a magnificent ballroom. Take the full weight of my burdens as I lean my body fully against Yours. I cannot stand on my own. Keep me upright, Lord. Send your angels, Lord. Show us Your power and glory. Walk among us. Give us your strength, because we do not have enough on our own to make it through. Amen.

Song of the King

When doing my morning devotions, I read a line in Sarah Young's Jesus Calling book. The book speaks from the perspective of Jesus, taking Biblical truths and putting them into a conversation from Jesus to us. Today it said, "Tune out other voices so that you can hear Me more clearly." I thought about the number of voices that come at me in a day. Some are loud and demanding, some softer but still present. Not all are voices from others but many are demands pressing on me and expectations I feel that need to be met for various reasons. It could be as simple as a voice saying, "I need to do the laundry today. It is stacking up." The more busy my life is, the more crowded the voices get. I long to hear the still, small voice of my Savior--the voice of peace, the only voice that takes me above all the chaos and negativity swirling around me. His voice takes me to a beautiful place where I see the hope of glory, a day where I will spend eternity with my Jesus. He reminds me that I'm never alone. He shows me what is most important. He gently takes my hand and opens my clenched fist, allowing many things of lesser importance to be loosened and to fall away. In this comes a sense of peace, a sense of knowing that I am on the right path. The strength I need to do the most important tasks is given.

This all brought to mind a book that a friend gave me a number of years ago. It is a children's book by Max Lucado, entitled "The Song of the King." In it, three knights are competing for the hand of the King's daughter in marriage. The one who could navigate their way through the dangerous Hemlock forest and reach the other side would win her hand. There were many trials and distractions in the forest. Three times a day the King would play a song on his flute. The knights were to follow the sound of the flute back to the castle where they would find the Princess. Within the forest there were many competing voices and imitating flutes. It was easy to hear the wrong flute and get turned around. One knight successfully makes his way through the forest. All the town's people want to know what his secret was. He reveals that when given the option to choose one companion to accompany him on his journey, he chose the King's own son, the only other to have the same flute as his father and who knew how to play his father's song. The knight simply stayed close to the son and listened to the song again and again. He learned the "Song of the King" and was therefore not swayed by the imitators. In the end, he made his way safely through the treacherous forest and was the victor.

This story is a great reminder for me to intentionally choose a wise companion on this earth. I want to fill my head and heart with the Song of the King alone. All else can fall away and will not be missed. If it is not from the King, I am happy to let it fall away. As Mary sat at Jesus' feet listening, Jesus said, "Mary has found the most important thing. I will not take that away from her." She knew the song of the King.

This Day

This day is a beautiful day, a new day. It is cold, yes, but the sun is shining and the birds are singing. Your mercies are new every morning, oh Lord. Thank you for the morning…for newness…for light and life and sunshine. Thank you for breath, for smiles, for fascination in the little things. May you fill this day with joy and wonder and love. Lord, take the lead and take my hand. Like a little child, I will take your hand, trusting fully in You and Your goodness, and follow along behind You. Give me Your eyes to see the world, to see Your people the way You see them, to see beyond the obvious and see the wounds and pain that drive so many of us. Lord, give me grace for Your people, made in Your image. Fill me with Your love. May it pour out, and spill over so that those who come in contact with me will sense and long for Your love. Thank You that when all else fails, You remain true. You are always with me. I have never, ever been alone. There is great comfort in that. Yes, Lord, thank you for this day.

Leaves, glorious leaves

The leaves are changing color. It is a glorious sight to behold. Truly amazing. God did not have to give us this majestic display of His power, but He does. He could’ve created trees with all the same colored leaves. They could be brown all year. They could just dry up, remaining the same color that they are, and fall off of the tree.

Instead, God created us with eyes that love beauty…that look for it, that crave it. And He generously fulfills those desires with His creation. He made trees with green leaves that turn beautiful shades of color before the coming of winter. As we await and perhaps dread the coming of the cold, what a gentle way to take our hand and prepare us for this upcoming season. He reminds us that although the winter will come, He is still with us. He is always with us. No matter what is coming, He is there to hold our hand and guide us through. If we are looking ahead to a situation or upcoming event with some fear or uncertainty, we can be reassured that we are never alone. He gives us a fabulous gift of leaves turning all shades of yellow, orange, red and purple. Thank you, God, for the changing of the leaves.

Lord, God, Your love for us is so evident as we see all of the beauty that you have created for us. You didn’t have to give us these things, but You chose to. Help us, Lord, to be reminded of You and of the gentle and kind way that you love us, as we see the glorious display of your splendor.

Pen to page

My twelve year old is taking a portrait art class. His current task is to look in the mirror and draw himself. He sketches the outline of the face. He adds lines to help him find where the eyes should be placed. He calculates where the mouth should be aligned. He carefully shades the outline of a nose, placing the nostrils where he thinks they should go. He erases some, adjusts the lines, looks in the mirror, and adjusts again. He sketches, he erases, he draws, he erases, he adjusts, and sketches some more.

In the end he anticipates that the final product will be something worthwhile, maybe even something beautiful. He cannot, however, see the end result. This process involves many drafts. If he were to count the number of times he changes his work and count each one as a new draft, there would be hundreds. Perhaps he would like to make a beautiful, perfect work of art right from the start. Perhaps he would like to avoid all of the adjustments and corrections necessary to get to the final masterpiece.

As a parent, I can see and realize that this working and re-working is teaching him so much. His skills are being honed and more greatly defined. He learns patience, he learns endurance, he learns new techniques that he could not have learned otherwise.

I hear God leading me in a certain direction. My spirit says, “Yes. Lord.” I think about which way to begin. I hesitate to take a step in a certain direction for lack of certainty if it is a step in the right direction. How will I know for sure? What if I make a mistake? I want to move when I’m ensured that the end result will in fact be a masterpiece. I don’t want to write, erase, correct, adjust. I don’t want to have dozens, maybe even hundreds of drafts. I want things to be perfect the first time through. Perhaps this has kept me from moving in the past. I could stay in this place of uncertainty, allowing my questions and doubts to hold me captive. I could have a lifetime of inactivity, waiting for the perfect circumstances, the perfect timing, the right break. Will it be good enough? Will it make a difference? How will I ever really know for sure?

How many of us want to be able to see the end result before we take a step? Don’t we want to know that our efforts will make something beautiful? We all have a longing inside of us for beauty. We were created with this desire. Today I’m choosing to step out in faith, to relinquish my control on the outcomes. After all, I want God Almighty to be the Director of my life. Do I not believe that He has a much better plan that I could ever come up with on my own? I know that He does. My head knows it. Today my actions will follow as I surrender my every day, my every action, my every effort unto His hand. It is OK to make a draft. It is a beautiful thing in itself just to make the first sketch. Time to put pen to page….

Taking care of myself

Another day, another sore throat, swollen glands and a head full of congestion. Say what? (For those of you English majors, I realize that was not a full sentence. The little green line underneath it all helps me to realize it is not a full sentence. I am a recovering perfectionist so I am choosing to let that slide :)

Two nights ago I went to bed feeling pretty rotten. Yesterday I tried to drink a lot but also made sure to have my Oil of Oregano drops. That is our go-to whenever any of us is fighting illness. Just a few drops under our tongue twice a day, washed down with some kind of liquid that can help cover the strong taste and warm sensation of the drops. While I feel much better, I still called and canceled my filling appointment today. It wasn't too difficult for me to put that one off a little while longer. As we speak, my mom is preparing to have dental work done, sans novacaine! (Prayers being said for you right now, mama!) Who I am to complain? Still, however, I do not enjoy the dentist office for any reason, so I was happy to cancel. I am currently on my way to take a detox bath and go back to bed. There's a book waiting for me and I think I will happily oblige and take care of myself today. It is lovely to have a few hours before my next commitment. This is what I am choosing to do for myself this day.